License to Chili: A James Bond Literary Cooking Adventure

So, here’s the scoop. On this most special Cooking Adventure in tribute of the James Bond series by Ian Fleming… Nothing, I mean, nothing went right from the start. Due to the time change, I forgot all about losing an hour of daylight in the afternoon on the day I was cooking and unfortunately couldn’t finish filming it. Working the next few days in a row ensured that I wouldn’t have time to finish and make it look seamless. On top of all of that, I ran out of batteries in the camera while filming so I had to film a new intro today as well as some last minute scenes.

The flavorful turkey chili promised in the video ended up being very delicious with the exception of the beans. I opted for dried beans instead of canned this time. I ALWAYS get canned. Turns out that there’s a whole process to cooking the beans first before adding them to the chili…or one is supposed to do the entire thing in a crockpot and have it cook for hours upon hours. Because time was rather short, the beans ended up being a bit chewy and I’m not at all proud of that.

Last but certainly not least, I lost the thumb drive with all of the footage on it and spent several hours acting like a crime scene investigator in my own house while I searched for it. Turns out it was in my purse the entire time. Herp a derp.

Because I’m running behind on time once again, and I still have about a billion pages to write on my NaNoWriMo (Book 4 of the Monstrum Chronicles), I will be including a link to the original recipe for this chili. Definitely check it out and if you plan on making it yourself, I’d advise CANS of beans. So much easier for those of us who like easy in the kitchen.

Boom. Check out this chili recipe!

Enjoy and make sure you watch til the end. There’s an extra fun blooper there for you.


Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Donut Literary Cooking Adventure

Okay, in all fairness…I didn’t actually make donuts! They were supposed to be donuts but I don’t own a donut baking pan nor can I find one anywhere. So, I used donut batter in a muffin pan and made apple cider …mo-nut/duffin things. But…they’re still really yummy!

This week, we’re celebrating J.K. Rowling’s celebrated Harry Potter series. In this episode, Harry manages to piss off Hedwig who is clearly trying to tell Harry he’s making mistakes while baking. This, in turn, upsets most of the other owls at Hogwarts. Lots of owls in this one. Lots.

I made a couple of substitutions in the video because there were ingredients I didn’t have. The first was substituting pumpkin butter for apple butter. In hindsight, I think apple sauce would have been a better choice, but the pumpkin flavoring gave the muffin an almost gingerbread-y kind of taste and was still delicious. The next substitute was for the sour cream. I used milk which made the batter that much more liquidy. Always stick to sour cream if you can. It keeps them moist. Mine are, unfortunately, beginning to dry out.

Interested to find out how to make these magical duffins? You can find the original recipe over at The Kitchn. Enjoy!

The Croissanting of Hill House Cooking Adventure

Fall is here! Fall is here! FALL IS HERE!

*clears throat* As you can tell, I’m really happy it’s finally autumn. This is my favorite time of the year to bake, do crafty things, and of course write. I decided to kick off the season by trying a different kind of croissant recipe with a square folded style vs. the traditional rolled style.

In this week’s tribute to Shirley Jackson’s The Haunting of Hill House (which I mistakenly call “The House on Haunted Hill”) I made some Blueberry and Honey Cream croissants. They are extremely easy to make and can be varied to include different fruits (and probably chocolate, too). I’m probably going to end up making a number of them over the next few weeks because they were so delicious!

Check out the recipe below the cut if you want to try it for yourself!

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That One Time I Tried To Make Instant Pudding…And Failed

Since I don’t intend to have a Video Cooking Adventure up until later tonight, I thought I might share one of my first cooking disasters with you. This, in my mind, pretty much sealed the deal for me to always have some sort of difficulty in the kitchen. I was still in school, though what age I’m not entirely sure. If I strain my brain hard enough, I think I can remember it being middle school. I did not cook at this time. My sensibilities were that I had parents, they knew how to cook, and my extent of knowledge on cooking was limited to a Home Economics class where we made granola and smoothies. Even so, cooking is really not the point of this particular memory. All I had to do was mix two things together and wait. And I failed.

My dad had asked me if I could stir up some pistachio pudding for him. I quickly found the box in the pantry and read the directions…sort of. I ripped open the package and poured the puce-colored powder into a bowl. Looking back at the directions, I read that I needed to add however many cups of COLD… I didn’t actually read the rest. In my head, the only thing I thought it could possibly mean was water. My rationality was this: on a package of cake or muffin mix or anything like that, I’d never seen anyone say to add cold milk. It just said “milk”. And no one ever asks for cold milk on any instructions! So why go to the trouble of bolding and underlining COLD on the package? Why not just write “milk” and be done with it? But water! Often times recipes call for HOT or COLD water. That made more sense.

And so, I added cold water to the pistachio pudding powder. Pushing it into the fridge to set, I waited in the living room, blindingly ignorant of the mistake I’d just made. When the requisite time had passed, I returned to the fridge and pulled out the bowl, expecting a shimmering chilled pistachio wonder. It was not to be. Instead, a liquid with the color and consistency of swamp water looked up at me. I asked my dad what I could have possibly done wrong and after we determined my mistake, he laughed and I felt like an absolute moron. He still tried to eat it, just so I wouldn’t feel so bad. But pistachio soup on top of vanilla ice cream really isn’t the same.

Never made that mistake again.



Rag-Lime Literary Cooking Adventure

What’s better than some old classic ragtime and a spicy flavorful chicken dinner? Nothing I tell you! Nothing!

Okay, maybe that was a bit overkill. But this Chili Lime Chicken was pretty damn tasty and relatively easy to make. There were of course a few obstacles here and there, such as the fact that my chicken was frozen, the pan was spitting oil like a cobra spits venom, and my fear of cooking with hot peppers was revisited.

But, in tribute to E.L. Doctorow’s classic novel, Rag Time, I pushed on through the obstacles and emerged victorious with a dish that I’ll most certainly be making in the future. Want to know how to make it for yourself? I’ll bet you do. Scroll on down and check it out! You can find the original recipe at Rasa Malaysia!

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DING DONG! The Witch is Bread Literary Cooking Adventure

Wake up, you sleepy-head! Rub your eyes! Get out of bed! Wake up; the Wicked Witch is BREAD!

That’s right. This week on Literary Cooking Adventures, we’re celebrating L. Frank Baum’s classic children’s book, The Wonderful Wizard of Oz, by making some utterly impressive chocolate chunk zucchini bread! Yes, it is as beautiful and delicious as it sounds.

In this episode, I battle a rather bendy zucchini, a mandolin, converse with the furry cat munchkins, and straight up kill the Wicked Witch of the East. Boom. Dropped a couch on you, witch. Didn’t see that coming, did ya?!

I found the original recipe through Simple Bites. The recipe there is a little more in depth with making the bread whole wheat and using freshly ground spices. I cut corners where I felt I could and the zucchini bread still came out well and tasted amazing.

Interested in making this wonderful, magical zucchini bread for yourself? Follow the yellow brick road down to the instructions below.

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Thigh Robot Literary Cooking Adventure

The three laws of robot cooking are as follows:
One: Do not spill water on self.
Two: Follow all instructions exactly.
Three: Do not cook more than two things at once unless it conflicts with law number 2.

I broke rule #3 back in May when I decided to do my Jurassic Park Cooking Adventure on the same day as my I, Robot Cooking Adventure.

It was later in the evening, the lighting wasn’t as good, my hair was crazy, and for some reason, I developed a lisp whenever trying to say anything with an ‘s’. However, the recipe for this Lemon Butter Chicken was pretty spectacular. It’s a little more involved than I had expected but in the end, it was a sight for sore eyes, especially after a full day of slaving over a hot stove.

I had meant to have a newly filmed Cooking Adventure up this week but unfortunately my schedule didn’t allow much time to film this past weekend. Fear not; I will have a few new ones up my sleeve for the coming weeks.

Interested in the recipe for this yummy winner chicken dinner? Shift and shuffle down the page to check it out. It’s made of stuff every robot (or human pretending to dance “the robot”) desires. The original and beautiful recipe is from Damn Delicious and yes, yes it was.

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The Old Pecan and the Sea Literary Cooking Adventure

Once again, we return to the kitchen in a brilliant effort to create another pie. This time, I attempted to tackle the very precarious Butterscotch Pecan Pie. I had some trouble the last time I attempted one several years ago and it almost turned to goo before I froze it, capturing its saccharine essence in solid form. I was hoping that this pecan pie would be a bit easier provided my extensive and disastrous history. I was proven wrong.

As with the banana cream pie, the pie crust decided to be the most obnoxious part of this Cooking Adventure. I had to roll out, shape, pin-prick, and bake 2 in order for it to work. There are apparently very detailed steps one must follow in order to get the perfect pie crust including thawing, unrolling, pressing, pricking, chilling, weighting, and baking…and I didn’t follow them for shit. Sorry, but all of that kagatha just to pre-bake a pie crust seems ridiculous. I should have just done it. Maybe then I wouldn’t have ended up with something that looks like it was made out of sand.

The other thing that really set me off was my inability to open the bag of pecans. I wish I was joking. There’s a segment in the bloopers where I struggle with the bag of pecans for almost a full two minutes before succumbing to rage and hacking it open with a pair of scissors. Then, I couldn’t open the bag of butterscotch chips. It wasn’t my day.

As a tribute to Hemingway’s classic novel, I decided to take a break and cast a line, hoping to hook something good. Instead, I managed to capture the rare but ferocious Lemon Jelly, a cat with an insatiable appetite and primal rage.

Interested in the recipe for this disastrous pie leviathan? Scroll down and behold!

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Just When You Thought It Was Safe To Go Back Into The Watermelon…



Yes. I realize that Shark Week was indeed last week. Do I care? Not really.

Last week, I held my third annual Shark Week Party complete with bloody chum-like cocktails, shark-shaped cookies, Goldfish, Sharknado 2, and of course, the Sharktermelon.

Every year so far I’ve carved a shark out of a watermelon following steps that I’ve found on line. This year’s attempt was sadly done in haste as I had run out of time to do it. Nevertheless, it came out looking ten times better than last years, which looked more like a Critter than a shark.

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Fair-Shell And Adieu To You Fair Spanish Ladies!



As it is Shark Week and one of my favorite films/novels is Jaws by Peter Benchley, I thought it would be fun to not only do a video Cooking Adventure, but also a traditional written account of another dish. Therefore, last night after a long day of work, I put my nose to the grindstone and decided to make a recipe that I’ve had my eye on for some time: Mussels in Garlic White Wine Sauce. Yes… It is as good as it sounds. It should be known that since I have a fear of killing crustaceans/living creatures in the pursuit of cooking, I decided to use frozen mussels. They were still in their shells, in air-tight plastic wrap and were just as good as live ones. I also didn’t have to do any de-bearding or washing which is a plus when you work until late and don’t want to do all of that. I suppose it’s cheating but…I don’t really care.

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