Horror-FAIL Friday’s My OLD Writing blog is a series which introduces stories I wrote when I was younger accompanied by realizations, comments, and general WTF observations that occur to me while I read these. Some of these stories I haven’t read in over ten years. The comments are provided in brackets within the text. I’ve also kept bad spelling and other grammatical errors so you have the full effect of how awful it was.
It’s been a couple weeks since I’ve posted anything on the Horror-FAIL Friday blog, so I wanted to get back into it this evening. We’ll be continuing with this awful story that I wrote in 7th grade about Jay, the secret agent, who is attempting to enjoy a skiing vacation in Vermont. Too bad Jay is having nightmares about somersaulting down the mountain like a total noob. He also brought along his gal pal, Alice, who seems to be way too enthusiastic about the whole affair. I’m also not entirely sure she knows he’s a secret agent. Let’s continue to follow their pathetic story, shall we?
Now they were climbing up the steep slope of the 1,000 yard mountain. […That’s an odd unit of measurement for this mountain.] The fear pulled at them waiting for them to make one mestake. But they pushed on. Jay didn’t know what to think. What if this joy ride ended the exact same way his dream did? [Well, then it wouldn’t be joyful, would it!?]
“Come on, Jay. I found a good place to start from.” exclaimed Alice. Jay already had goosebumps.
The view was spectacular from Alice’s chosen spot. It just made Jay nausaus. He stared down at the steep trail.
“Let’s ride!” yelled Alice. [Alice…shut up.]
At first, Jay wanted to turn back. To run and hide at the hotel and never let Alice find him. [This sounds like it’s about more than just the skiing…] But then he remembered. That was only a dream. A stupid worthless nightmare. “I should be enjoying myself,” said Jay. And with that he zipped down the mountion. […not sure how I misspelled it here and not everywhere else.]
But at that moment, the mountain jolted and He stopped to listen. The tectonic plates were shifting around. [WHAT?] A thunderus rumble cut his thoughts. He looked up. Mountians of snow came down.
“Uh oh.” said Jay. He threatned himself to move. Jay skied down the mountain with the tidal wave of snow close behind.
He could see Alice ahead of him skiing as fast as she could to out run the avalanche. They had another 100 yards ahead of them. They went around rocks and took jumps. The endless amount of snow followed, rushing over the rocks, and pulverizing anything in its way.
Jay felt as if they had wandered into a death trap, as if it had sprung loose and catapulted its contents everywhere.
Alice never felt the sudden movement of the mountain. [HOW?] She was in mid-jump tackling the serius air and calculating exactly where she wanted to land. Alice was a deep thinker [Ugh] and she had to have time with her problems. […Her problems? Jumping into the air and figuring out where to land on skis is a problem? Then WHY DO IT? How much time is she going to need to figure out how to brush her teeth or park her car?] Her only thoughts now were ski and ski faster.
The Avalanche [because it’s a sentient being now] was closing in. The end was near. Jay and Alice desided to jump. [WHERE?] They skiied to the end of the mountain and jumped. [Wh…The end? What end? The end is the GROUND.] The murderous tidal wave of snow kept going. Jay took a square box out off his pocket. He pulled the string attached to the box [While he’s hurtling toward the earth, presumably.] An air glider popped out and Jay glided down towards Alice who was falling at an alarming rate.
[My god. I know where I’ve seen this before.]
Jay wondered if he could get to Alice before she hit the rocks below. Except Jay didn’t have to worrie anymore. Alice had found her parachutte and pulled the cord now both of them softly floated to the ground.
[It’s here that my teacher, who unfortunately had to grade this piece of turd, wrote “How convenient!! Skiing w/ parachutes on”. She probably wanted to tear this thing up and burn it. I understand.]
Stay tuned for more Station Twelve next week. Oh yes. There is more.