Welcome back to another episode of My OLD Writing here on Horror-FAIL Friday. This time, I have a real doozy for you. While sorting through a box of old writing projects, I came across one that I wrote for school in 7th grade. So… as far as horrible quality goes, it predates the other two stories that I shared with you and should make for some pretty entertaining reading material. If you’re unfamiliar with the OLD Writing series, here’s what happens. I share a section of a story and provide recent comments/observations in brackets alongside. Here’s the premise of our new old story…
Our protagonist, Jay Russel, who doesn’t seem to be the brightest crayon in the box, is taking a much needed vacation in Canada. He comes across a nefarious plot involving a radio tower on a precarious mountain top and must place himself in danger to uncover what’s happening. Yeah. That’s honestly all I remember. I haven’t pre-read this so all of my reactions below will be genuine. Here we go…
Jay Russel’s car pulled up outside the Snow Inn. [How original.] It was covered in ice and (you guessed it) fluffy white snow. [Oh god. I can feel the heart palpitations starting…] The slopes were exellent at this time of the year and those breat biking trails were the best to use for a good hike.
The little silver Audi was parked in the back lot. It was overly packed with people who didn’t want to freeze in the winter or burn up in the summer down south. [Wait, if they don’t want to freeze in the winter, then why are they at the SNOW INN with all of the SNOOOOWW?]
“Come on, Jay, this is so cool,” said Alice, who was his friend coming along for the visit. [His “friend”.]
Jay groaned. If you could only imagine how he felt. [Tell us the tale!] He would rather be on the job, cracking codes on computers, busting criminals, and handing in progress reports to the leader. [Wow. So Jay has no life, basically.] Jay was a secret agent. [Oh god.] His captain said he needed a good vaction to ease his nerves. And now he found himself here in the green mountains of Vermont. [Oh. I thought they were in Canada.]
Struggeling with the luggage, Jay stubbled up the stairs [Huh?] and into the inn. Of course, Alice was already at the desk asking about the reservations and getting the room key.
“Come on, Jay, I already have the room key. It’s room 173 on floor 3,” said Alice trotting up the stairs. [I just got the image of a horse going up the stairs.]
Jay almost collapsed. The 3rd floor? That’s 3 flights of stairs. [Yes, we’ve already established that it’s on the 3rd floor.] With all that luggage, he couldn’t get them all on the 1st step. [Man up, Jay.]
Jay looked around frantically for an elevator. But there wasn’t one to be found. He looked for a friendly face, someone that might help him with the disaster Alice left him with. [That bitch.] People pushed by either going to the game room or the bar.
Finally, a luggage carrier came. Of course, Jay thought it was another tourist who would run him over with a luggage truck. [This is why Jay doesn’t go on vacation apparently. He assumes other tourists will mutilate, kill, and eat him.] Jay relaxed and smiled. And together they struggled up the stairs with the luggage. [Why doesn’t this inn have an elevator?]
Alice was waiting outside of the room. She didn’t have a care in the world. She thought men do the dirty work and women just watch. [Yup. I called it. Bitch.]
To Jay, it was like he had never left work. [Then he should feel right at home.] Except he hadn’t had a vacation in 7 years. He had forgotten how much work it was to carry luggage by himself. [How much luggage did they bring? Are they staying for 3 months or something?]
Then Alice opened the door. As soon as Jay saw that nice comfy bed and the 36 inch TV, he knew it was worth the effort. [Does he not have a bed or TV at home?] He ran in and jumped on the bed [like a 4 year old]. He felt how soft and warm the covers were. [Ew, why are they warm?] It was a quarter to 11 PM. Alice and Jay curled up in their tangible [?] and fell fast asleep.
As you can see, we’re in for a pretty horrible story. Stay tuned for next week’s Horror-FAIL Friday.